Thursday, September 23, 2010

Have We Learned Nothing?

Okay, people. We all need to stop and think for a minute…does righteous indignation have any place in our repertoire when dealing with monsters?

Let’s think about what we know from horror movies. Opening the door to the basement and climbing down the stairs in the dark without a flashlight looking for the beast that just ripped apart your three best friends? Stupid move. Not taking the kids and running out of the house and to the nearest neighbor when, as the babysitter, you get a number of really scary phone calls? Stupid move. Getting in the shower at the most frightening hotel run by the creepiest manager ever to turn on a vacancy sign (she had to get that creepy vibe, right?)? Stupid move. Threatening to expose the Phoenix and then driving off to do just that, knowing full well that she enjoys reeking havoc from a distance? I’ll say it again. Stupid.

But here is the clincher. You brave the cemetery to find a hidden coffin, meet and talk to a ghost, promise a young boy you know he has been telling the truth and will expose what has been terrorizing him (making him swear not to tell anyone what you are doing), break into an old friend’s room to find proof that she has been helping a monster, steal said proof and read it from cover to cover…and then…when she approaches you in your office…instead of playing it cool and getting away to the sheriff…oh, no. You start taunting her. telling her she is evil and so is the monster she has been protecting. Saying how you are reporting it all to the police. And when she says that you must keep the secret or be killed, you don’t believe her. Stupid move. Moronic. Way high on the idiot scale.

I would lie. Nope. Didn’t take your diary. Never saw it. Just heading out for coffee (ice cream? new sneakers? beef roast?). You have a good night.

Or, knowing the monster is a vampire, maybe I could just keep quiet until, oh, I don’t know…daylight? You know, when he is napping in his coffin, vulnerable. Find him. Do the whole stake thing. Then get cocky.

Maybe I know better than these people because I live with a couple of the artistic types. They are interesting, delightful, and talented people but they can be a tiny bit moody on occasion. I have learned, after a few admitted missteps, not to poke the bear with a sharpened stick. Perhaps I could be a consultant to those less enlightened.

I fear the good doctor will not be around long enough to write a check for my advice.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Finally, a Bat!

I had pneumonia once. It was not a pleasant experience. It was a pretty bad case, but without insurance, a stay at the hospital was out of the question. I also didn’t have enough sick days accumulated because I was at a new job, so staying home until I was completely well wasn’t an option either. So, I stayed at home a couple of days and then started half days. Not a great way to recover, but I am still here.

While I was home, I spent my days bundled under quilts on my couch as climbing the stairs to the bedroom required more energy than I could muster. One afternoon, while drifting in and out of sleep, I thought I heard a noise under the cedar chest where my television sat. Raising myself enough to take a quick look, I found myself eye-to-eye with a tiny brown field mouse. (To be fair, he was very pretty. Quite tiny. Not at all the terrible beast he will be portrayed as for the rest of this story.) He had popped up through the hole drilled in the floor for the cable.

I screamed. If I could have, I would have jumped on a table and stayed there for the duration. But I couldn’t move. Literally. That scream (which didn’t frighten him in the least) took the last of my energy. I was so weak that all I could do was lay back on the couch, watching him watch me, and cry. Great big soaking tears. I had no one to call to come chase the monstrous rodent away. No big chunk of cheese handy to lure him to the outdoors---or the apartment next door if he preferred. Nope. Just me and the quilt and the big wet tears.

He watched me for hours. Days maybe. Or it may have been a few minutes and I dreamed the rest. My husband finally returned home from a long day and, after listening to my harrowing tale, set a trap for the 500 pound monster. He caught him the very next day and released him in the woods…not teasing me much about the size and disposition of the creature he captured.

David Collins can understand my terror. He too has a visit from a creature he cannot escape…

David is terrified of Barnabas and believes that the older Collins is hiding something in his locked basement. Determined to find out what it is, David visits the old mansion, only to be discovered by Julia Hoffman. She really is a perfect evil accomplice for Barnabas. She is so concerned about her research she will do anything to protect Barnabas, short of murdering Willie who is in the hospital recovering from gunshot wounds he received  when trying to break into Maggie Evans’ room to warn her about Barnabas.

So, David is returned to Collinswood by Julia and sent to his room to await further punishment for disobeying Roger’s command that he NOT go to the old mansion. While there, wind begins blowing through his window…and without warning… a bat comes winging into the room, chasing David. He swings at it. He screams for help. He falls to the floor blocking the door to his own escape and shakes in terror, screaming all the while.

For the last 150 episodes, we only hear the howling of dogs as a signal of Barnabas’ arrival.  Finally we see the vampire bat. It’s not a 500 pound rat staring at him, but I understand David’s fear nonetheless…

Sunday, September 12, 2010

To Color or Not to Color…that is the question…

So, I am thoroughly enamored of the color episodes of Dark Shadows. They are soft. almost pastel, and a little blurry. It’s fun to see the great 1960s styles and fabrics in all their splendor. But I am a bit saddened by the changes in the discs I am receiving…

The beginning of the early discs included the voiceover and the clapboard. I waited each time for something silly to happen. Being in the theatre, I know the behind-the-scene craziness that takes place and how it bonds a cast together. You can tell outsiders about it, but they really don’t understand it. Seeing a glimpse of the cast from Dark Shadows stepping away from their characters was fun to watch. Also if there was a problem with the episode (in other words, it was lost), I used to be informed that I was watching a kinescope (see July 30 post).

Now, however, I get dumped right into an episode. Boom. And some of them are in color while others are black and white. Why? The black and white ones may be kinescope copies, but I am not certain. Perhaps it’s just because I am getting used to color that the jump from one style to another is difficult. The black and white ones seem scarier when I watch them, so that the switch to color on the next episode makes it seem cartoon-like. I hope they pick one format and stick with it soon.

On to the storyline: Barnabas is terribly afraid that David knows his secret. He believes that the ghost of his dead sister, Sarah, has told David. David goes searching for Sarah in the cemetery, hears Barnabas coming and hides in the secret room in the mausoleum where Barnabas was trapped for years. When Barnabas begins to enter the secret room, David hides inside Barnabas’ coffin. David remains undiscovered, but he cannot figure out how to get out of the secret room once Barnabas leaves. Sarah finally appears to him and tells him where to find the lever that opens the door. Barnabas returns just as David is leaving the mausoleum and insists that he return to the old homestead. His plan is to question David and kill him if he feels David knows too much. David is refusing when Burke arrives and scurries him home to Collinwood.

Meanwhile, Maggie explains that Dr. Hoffman really isn’t helping her try to regain her memory and her family doctor removes Maggie from Hoffman’s care. Dr. Hoffman is also in trouble with Barnabas who has repeatedly threatened to kill her if anything goes wrong with their plan.

This plotline appears to be coming to a pinnacle, and color or no color, I can’t wait for the next disc.

Friday, September 10, 2010

We’re Not in Kansas Anymore

When I was a little girl, we had a black and white television set. It wasn’t big. It sat on a tv stand. There wasn’t a remote. We had to walk to it to change the channels. There weren’t 500 channels, either. Maybe we had twelve. It didn’t matter. We had it good. My cousins only got two channels besides PBS. (No offense, PBS. I adore you now, but not so much when I was little…)

The first movie I can remember watching on tv was The Wizard of Oz. I couldn’t wait to see it. You know, you had to wait back then. No VCRs. No DVRs. No copies you could rent or buy and watch any time. The television stations controlled our viewing habits.

Being little, and the movie being so long with commercials included, I couldn’t stay awake passed the scene in the poppy fields. Not when I was four. Not when I was five. And I don’t even think when I was six. But then, then I turned seven and the yearly showing of The Wizard of Oz came around again. Oh, and did I mention, we had a color television by then.

So I am watching the movie, in black and white of course, and it suddenly turned to COLOR! Color! I remember being so excited! Everything was beautiful…Dorothy’s shoes, Glinda’s gown, the witch’s socks, even the yellow brick road. What a magical moment for a little kid who had no idea what was coming…

Flash forward forty years. I am watching more episodes of Dark Shadows. The online episodes are over and I am back to discs. Only the discs have changed. They eliminated the opening shots with the voiceover and the clapboard. Sad because I really enjoyed those few seconds that could be filled with silliness…

Now the storyline is fine. Dr. Hoffman agrees to keep Barnabas’ secret if he agrees to let her experiment on him. She is certain she can cure his condition if he is willing. He is game and their little escapade begins. Meanwhile Burke proposes to Vicky and Maggie tries to get a little control back in her life. That is all well and good…but here’s the twist…

SOME OF THE EPISODES WERE IN COLOR! Holy smoke! I watched the first three episodes on the disc and they are black and white. Suddenly the fourth episode comes on and the screen fills with color. It didn’t matter that the furniture isn’t the deep red velvets I assumed, but an unimpressive brown or that the clothes are rather dull compared to what I envisioned. Maggie does have lovely red hair, though ( and I am a big fan of red hair). Not all of the episodes are in color, so it was a bit disconcerting.

I will admit though that my reaction to color was exactly the same as when I was seven…and, really, as an adult, how often do we get to experience such moments of complete wonder?