At the Exciting Halfway Mark…

Since the last post, I have crossed the halfway mark. I have finished watching 599 episodes. It’s hard to believe that Dark Shadows couldn’t continue on for years and years like The Guiding Light or The Young and the Restless. Sure, there isn’t as much sexual tension in DS, but it could have changed with the times, evolved over the years. Or maybe the current soap operas could adopt a new DS type storyline.

Just so they know what would be expected, here’s what’s been happening:

Barnabas found Tom Jenning’s coffin and killed him in order to release Julia from his spell. Julia returns to normal by which I mean she does whatever Barnabas asks and continues to prepare to create a mate for Adam from parts robbed from cemeteries. (Well, sure.)

Joe continued to fight the call of Angelique. He even went so far as to spend a night at Maggie’s (on the couch, of course). He asked Maggie to give him sleeping pills so he could resist the pull of Angelique. When Maggie thought Joe was truly asleep, she too went to bed. She was rudely awakened by Nicholas (pounding on her door and claiming he was worried that she was in danger) and discovered Joe was gone! (Oh, no!)

Jeff, fearing for Vicky’s safety, agrees to assist Dr. Hoffman and Barnabas in the creation of a mate for Adam. Alone in the lab, Angelique finds Jeff and bites him, making him her obedient servant. Unbeknownst to Barnabas and Julia, Jeff agrees to use Angelique’s life essence to bring Adam’s mate to life. This will release Angelique from the curse of being a vampire just as it did Barnabas when he gave his life essence to create Adam. Nicholas had forbidden Angelique from being involved in the experiment. (Yikes!)

Barnabas decides to use Maggie’s life essence to create the mate. Willie goes crazy as he loves Maggie. He races to Maggie’s house and tries to explain she is in danger, but Maggie is doubtful. Willie returns later in the evening, drugs Maggie and takes her to the crypt for safe keeping. (I wish he had the presence of mind to bring a blanket. It always looks so cold and damp in there.) When she awakens, Maggie is furious and still doesn’t believe Willie. After a looking around the crypt, she begins to remember the two months when she was missing. (Uh oh.)

Adam informs Barnabas that Carolyn will give her life essence. This is all Nicholas’ idea as he, too, loves Maggie and doesn’t want her harmed in the experiment. Nicholas hypnotizes Carolyn and she arrives at the old house, ready for the experiment. Alas, it fails. Carolyn dies. Later, when Dr. Hoffman goes to the room where Carolyn’s body had been, she finds the body missing! (This happens a lot in Collinsport.) Barnabas resigns himself to telling the Collins family everything about Carolyn and therefore about himself. He arrives at Collinwood…and Carolyn opens the door! Her memory has been erased and Barnabas is saved. (Whew!)

A new woman arrives with Adam by the name of Leona Eltridge. She claims that she is a friend of Adam’s, that she only has a few months to live, and that she is willing to provide her life force for the experiment even if it means will she will die sooner. Wary but unable to think of any other plan, Barnabas and Julia continue the experiment. Leona dies but Eve is born! Professor Stout arrives with crucial information only to discover he is too late. By rearranging the letters in Leona’s name, he discovers she is the spirit of Danielle Roget, the most evil woman to live in the 18^th century! (Wow!)

Meanwhile, back at the crypt, Maggie continues remembering her lost days. She remembers that Barnabas wanted her to be someone named Josette. She remembers being trapped in the old house. She remembers trying to escape and Barnabas (who was still an evil vampire at the time) punishing her by placing her in a closed coffin in the crypt. Willie races to tell Barnabas that they have trouble. While he is gone, David enters the crypt (he had seen Willie leaving and was curious), finds and releases Maggie. (Run, Maggie!)

Maggie makes it to Joe’s house only to discover him in the arms of Angelique. The vampire gets away as Joe tries to explain. Maggie tells him she knows what Angelique is and that they must run away together. The next thing you see, Joe is at Barnabas’ house telling him that Maggie would like to see him. Barnabas and Willie are sure it is a trap but they go anyway. Maggie offers Barnabas some sketches of him that her father made and reminds Willie that he can come and visit anytime. Stunned, Barnabas and Willie realize that someone has wiped her memory again and they are both saved! (Again?)

Harry Johnson (the maid’s creepy son) overhears Barnabas and Julia planning to kill evil Eve. Harry trots off to see Nicholas, demanding $5000 for his information. The silly boy spills everything for $100 down payment and is surprised when Nicholas refuses to pay the rest. Harry threatens Nicholas. (Mistake.) He swears he will tell Carolyn where Adam is and Carolyn will pay. Next thing old Harry knows, the doors are locked, a disembodied hand is floating through the air, and Harry has become another of Nicholas’ servants. (Geez!)

So now, in true soap opera fashion, we wait and wonder…will Maggie remember anything about Barnabas the vampire? Will Carolyn remember the experiment? Will we ever learn why someone is helping Barnabas by erasing memories? Will Barnabas kill Eve? Will Adam and Eve run away together? Will Elizabeth be buried alive?

The next 600 episodes should prove to be every bit as exciting as the first!

Irrational or Not…

We all have irrational fears that we cannot explain. In high school, my best friend was terrified of being hit by a train. The area we lived in was crisscrossed by dozens of different tracks so it was interesting to travel with her. She stopped before crossing any of them, even the ones with crossing gates and lights and bells. You couldn’t really trust those mechanical devices. What if the power was down and they weren’t triggered by an oncoming train? It was safer to stop and look both ways. If you were her friend, you got just used to it.

My daughter is afraid of toads. She can’t tell you why. She didn’t have a bad experience with a toad. She just doesn’t like them. They jump. They can hop from out of nowhere and startle you. Once, on a hike, she screamed when she saw a toad. My husband was sure it was a snake and was ready to save us all from certain death by deadly venom. It took what seemed like an hour for our daughter to catch her breath and say, “Toad.” The rest of the hike was rather quiet as she was sheepish (and silently counting all the toads she saw) and my husband grumpy.

I am petrified of being in a head-on collision. When I was first learning to drive, I would have nightmares of a car’s headlights coming straight at me and wake up shaking. Much to the annoyance of my family and friends alike, I will still follow someone’s grandma driving 35mph for a hundred miles rather than swing out into the passing lane. That may be a slight exaggeration. I might pass if there is plenty of daylight, the roads are dry, the passing lane is clear for as far as the eye can see, and no one tries to boss me into passing. Might. 

Oh, and birds. I am scared of birds. It was quite the time when we took our daughter to an aviary. My picture with birds alighting on my shoulders should be beside the definition of bravery in the dictionary. I blame it on Hitchcock and seeing that movie when I was too young. My daughter has seen it and thinks it is hilarious. How could I possibly be afraid of birds after seeing those hokey special effects? Um, that’s why we call these fears irrational.

I have a friend is afraid of being buried alive. I have promised, if she dies before I do, that I will make certain she is really gone. I will pinch, poke, and prod. I will give her a hearty slap. I will slip a loud hiking whistle into her hand. I am not sure this has made her feel any better. Or maybe I can try what Elizabeth has in mind.

Elizabeth Stoddard has the same fear of being buried alive. Since escaping from the asylum where she was placed when she was sure she an ancestor from another time, Elizabeth has been put under a spell by Angelique. All Elizabeth can do is think about her death. She is certain she will be buried alive by her family. She dreams that she is in the coffin and can hear them talking, but she cannot speak or move or open her eyes. Her family believes she is mad, but they are trying to humor her in hopes that she will recover under their loving care.

But Elizabeth prepares for her eventual death. She is cleaning closets, picking clothes to be buried in and changing her will. She will leave her family completely penniless unless they agree to her demands:

· A coffin with air holes drilled where her head will lie

· A buzzer that when pressed will open the coffin lid

· A bell system, attached to the buzzer, that will ring throughout the entire mansion

My friend and I think these are reasonable requests…just like making train sensors standard on every vehicle and enclosing my car in a super- futuristic, indestructible bubble. I am not sure what we can do about those toads.

Go With a Deadbolt!

When I was a freshman in college, I did all the things freshmen do: I hid a map of campus inside my textbooks so I could casually peek inside when I found myself hopelessly lost, I went to every activity that I could possibly fit into my schedule, I always dragged someone to the cafeteria with me because no one could walk in there alone, and I always locked the door to my room. By the end of the first trimester, I knew my way around campus, went only to the activities that really interested me, ate in the cafeteria alone sometimes, and stopped locking my door.

Now that may sound dangerous, but it really wasn’t. My roommate and I lived on the top floor in our four-story dorm. There were only 13 rooms and 25 girls. You never saw anyone on the floor who didn’t belong there. Strangers were always escorted. Not locking the door made sense because we were like family. We could run in and out of each other’s rooms looking for shoes or clothes to borrow. (Once, on campus, I ran into a girl who lived down the hall wearing an entire outfit that was from my closet!). We popped in searching for snacks. We could grab music to listen to or a book to read. But that all changed for me mid-sophomore year.

I am a very sound sleeper. I can sleep with lights on and music on and people talking loudly right in the room. (I also talk in my sleep, but that is another story.) One night, a good friend who was dating a football player was trying to describe me.

“I know you know her. She works in the cafeteria. She is really short and has short blondish hair and blue eyes.

“Um…I’m not sure…”

“Well, she is usually with her roommate, a girl with really big hair.”

“Maybe…”

“She talks to everyone…wait, I’ll bet she’s in…I’ll introduce you.”

Well, I was in…in my pajamas, in a cozy bed, in a dark room, in deep, peaceful slumber. Did that stop Mary? No, it did not. She quietly brought this 250 pound football player from Philadelphia into my room. They peered over my bed with only the light from hallway illuminating my snoring form.

After leaning in, nose-to-nose with my sleeping self, Mary’s boyfriend whispered, “Oh, yeah. Now I know who she is!”

They left and I was none-the-wiser…until I ran into this hulking giant in the cafeteria.

“You looked very cute in your jammies the other day… even your snoring was adorable.”

With a wink he was gone and I was left confused. I found Mary and she explained.

I started locking my door.

The people at Collinswood lock their doors but not consistently. You would think they would. I mean, Julia and Barnabas know there are vampires. Maggie was haunted by the sounds of the howling dogs, and the howling dogs have returned. Vicky has been kidnapped and threatened. People have been attacked by “animals” and killed. And still they go off to their beds without making a quick check of the doors.

So, because of unlocked doors, Dr. Hoffman found Jeff Clark reading through Dr. Lang’s journals. Barnabas was smart enough to lock the doors, but Jeff found an unlocked window and went to the laboratory. Jeff now knows that Barnabas and Julia are going to build a mate for Adam. Tom Jennings, now a vampire because of Angelique, wanders through an unlocked door, surprises Julia in the laboratory and makes her his servant. Barnabas strolls right in to Nicholas’ house though an unlocked door, looking for the new vampire, the one who turned Tom Jennings, having no idea it is Angelique. Before he can stumble onto her, though, he bumps into Joe Haskell, also wandering around the house unattended.  They leave together. Barnabas goes on to find Tom’s coffin, in an unlocked crypt, and destroys him to save Julia. The West wing of the Collins’ mansion, which is supposedly locked and where Adam is hiding, has more visitors than a Holiday Inn.

So learn from my experiences and those of the Collins family: lock your doors. Lock your doors every night against howling dogs, dangerous vampires and nosy neighbors. Otherwise you may awake to dripping fangs or a red-eyed demon or a massive mountain of a football player standing quietly over your bed!

Oh, They are so Crafty!

My husband and daughter are both very crafty. They get a certain look when they come up with a new project and they have come up with a lot of interesting projects. They build things: longboards from scrap plywood, a huge camera obscura in a room in a local art building, models of dinosaurs and insects, a camera that came with the directions in Japanese that they had to take apart and reassemble three times. They made an awesome igloo one very cold winter that our daughter played in for weeks. They create crafts from paper: monsters and beautiful stages and cards for special occasions. They made gingerbread houses that I am certain terrified the local librarian (if you don’t believe me: one had tiny army men attacking raging dinosaurs). They use metal and wood and welding equipment and flame and glue and power tools and nails and screws and all kinds of materials to create…things. They can also paint and sew and knit and draw.

I, however, do none of these things. Oh, it’s not that I can’t. I have made things, and I enjoyed it. But I get bossy. I admit it. I think things have to be done perfectly and that makes me… difficult. So, I am a helper. I watch. I fetch extra supplies. I make treats. I provide all the necessary “oohs’ and “aahhhs”. I wait for the next project.

Willie Loomis is a helper too. He just does what people tell him to do. But I cannot imagine being poor Willie. His crafters are, in a word, crazy. Barnabas and Julia have made an agreement with Adam. If he allows Victoria to go home unharmed (he has kidnapped her and threatened to kill her), then they will create him a partner. Now there’s a project. Making a person. You’d think that they were planning to whip up a pan of brownies the way they talk about it. Of course, Barnabas and Julia are so busy pouring over Dr. Eric’s notebooks (not written in Japanese but still just as confusing), they do not have time to collect the necessary materials…the necessary materials being body parts. What to do? Well, ask old Willie, of course!

Now Willie refuses. He is upset. He is disgusted. He won’t do it. He would rather be sent back to the insane asylum for the rest of his life than dig up bodies in the cemetery. He rages. He shakes. But Barnabas tricks poor Willie. He makes him think that Maggie, Willie’s unrequited true love, will be in terrible danger if he doesn’t cooperate. Poor, simple Willie. For love, he agrees to dig up corpses.

Digging in the cemetery, Willie gets caught by Joe Haskell. You remember Joe? He is Maggie’s fiancé, the man who was attacked by Adam, nearly died, recovered, got bitten by Angelique and now has to do her bidding. That’s where he was headed when he found Willie. Angelique’s pull was stronger than Joe’s sense of civic duty, so Willie got away. He begs Barnabas to let him run away, but that’s never going to happen. Willie, the helper, cowers in terror, waiting for the police to come for him.

Poor Willie.

The worst thing that has ever happened to me when my family was doing a project was a little super glue on the dining room table.

I was so upset.

Next time, I’ll remember Willie and put it all in perspective.

Why Follow the Rules?

 

Following the rules isn’t always easy, but I don’t like to be in trouble. Maybe it’s my Catholic upbringing, but I don’t want anyone to be angry with me. I never have. It makes my stomach hurt and my head pound. It is easier to follow the rules than deal with that sick feeling. So I do what I am supposed to do. When I was younger I ate all my vegetables (except cucumber) and made my bed and listened to my teachers and kept my curfew. As an adult, I drive the speed limit (usually) and keep my cell phone in my purse and pay our bills and our taxes and our daughter’s college tuition on time. Although the backtalk in my head gets pretty loud sometimes, I keep that bossy boots under control. I don’t want to suffer the consequences she brings. Some people just don’t get that.

Cassandra/Angelique is one of them. She was told by Nicholas that she was not to worry about Barnabas and the curse. She was told to forget her revenge and follow Nicholas’ orders. She didn’t do that. She kept trying to find a way to make the curse return. Nicholas told her not to try to kill Adam. The minute she left his sight, she tried killing Adam. First she tried with an axe. Then she tried using a voodoo doll. When Nicholas found out, he told her she would die like a human for her error. He told her not to beg and plead as it bored him. As she began to age and her body quickly returned to its nearly 200 years, she begged. She pleaded. He killed her sooner.

Then, when Nicholas brought Cassandra back as a vampire, he told her she was not to attack anyone without his permission. He alone would choose her victims. When a policeman came to the door and Cassandra answered it, she immediately decided to have a snack, without permission. Nicholas arrived just in time to stop her.

I just don’t understand. I mean, I know she is evil, but she doesn’t even listen to one who is more evil!

And then again, what will he do to her this time? What punishment is there for vampire who was a witch who was a vampire? What can Nicholas do now? Will he turn her into a toad and risk a prince finding her? Maybe trap her in an enchanted mirror?

I think I understand Cassandra now. What could Nicholas possibly do that would be worse than what he has already done? She is not afraid of being in trouble. She is not afraid of Nicholas being mad at her. I don’t think she gets stomach aches.

I do think she is going to have a free-for-all.

Everyone in Collinsport should be very, very worried.

Old Bony Hands

I have been after my husband for years now to get a family portrait. We have taken a lot them ourselves using a tripod and a timer. Some have been very sweet. Some of them are just hysterical. (Example being the one where we are all dressed to the nines and sporting wax handlebar mustaches!) But I always wanted a professional portrait. I envisioned it hanging over the mantle, our smiling faces warmly greeting all who entered the room. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not a fan of getting my picture taken. I dread it. I need to get a new driver’s license right now and the thought of it is overwhelming. Fortunately it snowed today so I could put it off yet again. But a portrait would be different. I could make that poor photographer work for hours until we could all agree that my part of the portrait would not be used to scare off small rodents. Alas, my husband was never keen on the idea. He is incredibly photogenic but doesn’t believe it. So, no portrait.

Fast forward to Christmas this year: under the tree was a Sodastream Home Seltzer Maker (I imagine that a hundred little old men from NYC and I were the only ones excited to see this gift), books, movies, slippers, a calendar with photos of my daughter (my favorite present every year!), and…a large gift…felt like something framed…could it be…?

Yes! My wonderful husband had taken one of our homemade family portraits and had it enlarged. Then he matted and framed it and present it to be hung (not over a mantle, there isn’t one in the new house) in a place of honor in our new library. It was lovely…except whose old lady hands are those?

Seriously, who do those hands belong to? I mean, I am not a tiny woman. When God handed out a taste for chocolate and a predisposition to gain pounds from mere ounces, I got in line twice. Okay. I may have jumped in a third time for good measure. So where did those hands come from? They look bony and bumpy and old. I mean really old.

Now they aren’t as bad as Cassandra’s hands. She is having a real problem. She started a dream curse. Everyone who had the dream would have to tell the dream to the person who was in it. If you didn’t tell, the nightmare would get worse until you either told or it drove you mad. The object was for the nightmare to get to Victoria who would share it with Barnabas who would die and become a vampire again. Ha. Cassandra wins! But she didn’t know that good Dr. Eric had put Barnabas’ essence in Adam, thereby protecting him from her dream curse.

So, Vicky grudgingly tells the dream. Barnabas is not afraid. Nothing will happen to him. Wait. Is someone at the door? Barnabas opens it and gets bitten by a bat (with the worst rubber prop…or maybe it was a shadow of a cutout bouncing up and down in the scene). Anyway, he dies. He is buried. He is dug back up (and if you saw how s-l-o-w-l-y they “rushed” to get him out of the grave, you would hope that neither the good doctor nor the professor ever work for a volunteer fire department).

Barnabas then sneaks away to Cassandra and taunts her that the curse didn’t work. Her “brother”, Nicholas, furious that Cassandra has botched things again, says he will destroy her in one hour if she cannot figure out how Barnabas has outsmarted them. Then, to prove his point, he tells her to look at her hand. When she does, she screams. Her hand is a bony, skeleton hand, complete with her gaudy ring (thank goodness the camera stayed high enough that you couldn’t actually see her holding the prop). Yes, looking down, terrified, she saw a dry, bony skeleton hand that caused her to scream again. Terrified, she couldn’t believe that thing belonged to her.

I know just how she feels.

Unemployed Again…I Can’t Believe I’m Unemployed Again…

So, a while back my family took a long hard look at where we were and where we wanted to be. It led us to put our home on the (terrible) market and look to move five hours away to an area filled with actors and artists and writers. It took 18 months, but someone finally wanted to buy a big old Victorian home lovingly cared for by us for nearly ten years. We were on our way.

But that meant leaving my job as the town’s Children’s Librarian, a job I truly loved.

In between getting a new job and unpacking boxes and decorating a new home, I am going to get started on this Dark Shadows blog. I have the season I received for my birthday and will write about those episodes…just in time to ask Santa for the next season for Christmas.

I am glad to be back…