At the Exciting Halfway Mark…

Since the last post, I have crossed the halfway mark. I have finished watching 599 episodes. It’s hard to believe that Dark Shadows couldn’t continue on for years and years like The Guiding Light or The Young and the Restless. Sure, there isn’t as much sexual tension in DS, but it could have changed with the times, evolved over the years. Or maybe the current soap operas could adopt a new DS type storyline.

Just so they know what would be expected, here’s what’s been happening:

Barnabas found Tom Jenning’s coffin and killed him in order to release Julia from his spell. Julia returns to normal by which I mean she does whatever Barnabas asks and continues to prepare to create a mate for Adam from parts robbed from cemeteries. (Well, sure.)

Joe continued to fight the call of Angelique. He even went so far as to spend a night at Maggie’s (on the couch, of course). He asked Maggie to give him sleeping pills so he could resist the pull of Angelique. When Maggie thought Joe was truly asleep, she too went to bed. She was rudely awakened by Nicholas (pounding on her door and claiming he was worried that she was in danger) and discovered Joe was gone! (Oh, no!)

Jeff, fearing for Vicky’s safety, agrees to assist Dr. Hoffman and Barnabas in the creation of a mate for Adam. Alone in the lab, Angelique finds Jeff and bites him, making him her obedient servant. Unbeknownst to Barnabas and Julia, Jeff agrees to use Angelique’s life essence to bring Adam’s mate to life. This will release Angelique from the curse of being a vampire just as it did Barnabas when he gave his life essence to create Adam. Nicholas had forbidden Angelique from being involved in the experiment. (Yikes!)

Barnabas decides to use Maggie’s life essence to create the mate. Willie goes crazy as he loves Maggie. He races to Maggie’s house and tries to explain she is in danger, but Maggie is doubtful. Willie returns later in the evening, drugs Maggie and takes her to the crypt for safe keeping. (I wish he had the presence of mind to bring a blanket. It always looks so cold and damp in there.) When she awakens, Maggie is furious and still doesn’t believe Willie. After a looking around the crypt, she begins to remember the two months when she was missing. (Uh oh.)

Adam informs Barnabas that Carolyn will give her life essence. This is all Nicholas’ idea as he, too, loves Maggie and doesn’t want her harmed in the experiment. Nicholas hypnotizes Carolyn and she arrives at the old house, ready for the experiment. Alas, it fails. Carolyn dies. Later, when Dr. Hoffman goes to the room where Carolyn’s body had been, she finds the body missing! (This happens a lot in Collinsport.) Barnabas resigns himself to telling the Collins family everything about Carolyn and therefore about himself. He arrives at Collinwood…and Carolyn opens the door! Her memory has been erased and Barnabas is saved. (Whew!)

A new woman arrives with Adam by the name of Leona Eltridge. She claims that she is a friend of Adam’s, that she only has a few months to live, and that she is willing to provide her life force for the experiment even if it means will she will die sooner. Wary but unable to think of any other plan, Barnabas and Julia continue the experiment. Leona dies but Eve is born! Professor Stout arrives with crucial information only to discover he is too late. By rearranging the letters in Leona’s name, he discovers she is the spirit of Danielle Roget, the most evil woman to live in the 18^th century! (Wow!)

Meanwhile, back at the crypt, Maggie continues remembering her lost days. She remembers that Barnabas wanted her to be someone named Josette. She remembers being trapped in the old house. She remembers trying to escape and Barnabas (who was still an evil vampire at the time) punishing her by placing her in a closed coffin in the crypt. Willie races to tell Barnabas that they have trouble. While he is gone, David enters the crypt (he had seen Willie leaving and was curious), finds and releases Maggie. (Run, Maggie!)

Maggie makes it to Joe’s house only to discover him in the arms of Angelique. The vampire gets away as Joe tries to explain. Maggie tells him she knows what Angelique is and that they must run away together. The next thing you see, Joe is at Barnabas’ house telling him that Maggie would like to see him. Barnabas and Willie are sure it is a trap but they go anyway. Maggie offers Barnabas some sketches of him that her father made and reminds Willie that he can come and visit anytime. Stunned, Barnabas and Willie realize that someone has wiped her memory again and they are both saved! (Again?)

Harry Johnson (the maid’s creepy son) overhears Barnabas and Julia planning to kill evil Eve. Harry trots off to see Nicholas, demanding $5000 for his information. The silly boy spills everything for $100 down payment and is surprised when Nicholas refuses to pay the rest. Harry threatens Nicholas. (Mistake.) He swears he will tell Carolyn where Adam is and Carolyn will pay. Next thing old Harry knows, the doors are locked, a disembodied hand is floating through the air, and Harry has become another of Nicholas’ servants. (Geez!)

So now, in true soap opera fashion, we wait and wonder…will Maggie remember anything about Barnabas the vampire? Will Carolyn remember the experiment? Will we ever learn why someone is helping Barnabas by erasing memories? Will Barnabas kill Eve? Will Adam and Eve run away together? Will Elizabeth be buried alive?

The next 600 episodes should prove to be every bit as exciting as the first!

Irrational or Not…

We all have irrational fears that we cannot explain. In high school, my best friend was terrified of being hit by a train. The area we lived in was crisscrossed by dozens of different tracks so it was interesting to travel with her. She stopped before crossing any of them, even the ones with crossing gates and lights and bells. You couldn’t really trust those mechanical devices. What if the power was down and they weren’t triggered by an oncoming train? It was safer to stop and look both ways. If you were her friend, you got just used to it.

My daughter is afraid of toads. She can’t tell you why. She didn’t have a bad experience with a toad. She just doesn’t like them. They jump. They can hop from out of nowhere and startle you. Once, on a hike, she screamed when she saw a toad. My husband was sure it was a snake and was ready to save us all from certain death by deadly venom. It took what seemed like an hour for our daughter to catch her breath and say, “Toad.” The rest of the hike was rather quiet as she was sheepish (and silently counting all the toads she saw) and my husband grumpy.

I am petrified of being in a head-on collision. When I was first learning to drive, I would have nightmares of a car’s headlights coming straight at me and wake up shaking. Much to the annoyance of my family and friends alike, I will still follow someone’s grandma driving 35mph for a hundred miles rather than swing out into the passing lane. That may be a slight exaggeration. I might pass if there is plenty of daylight, the roads are dry, the passing lane is clear for as far as the eye can see, and no one tries to boss me into passing. Might. 

Oh, and birds. I am scared of birds. It was quite the time when we took our daughter to an aviary. My picture with birds alighting on my shoulders should be beside the definition of bravery in the dictionary. I blame it on Hitchcock and seeing that movie when I was too young. My daughter has seen it and thinks it is hilarious. How could I possibly be afraid of birds after seeing those hokey special effects? Um, that’s why we call these fears irrational.

I have a friend is afraid of being buried alive. I have promised, if she dies before I do, that I will make certain she is really gone. I will pinch, poke, and prod. I will give her a hearty slap. I will slip a loud hiking whistle into her hand. I am not sure this has made her feel any better. Or maybe I can try what Elizabeth has in mind.

Elizabeth Stoddard has the same fear of being buried alive. Since escaping from the asylum where she was placed when she was sure she an ancestor from another time, Elizabeth has been put under a spell by Angelique. All Elizabeth can do is think about her death. She is certain she will be buried alive by her family. She dreams that she is in the coffin and can hear them talking, but she cannot speak or move or open her eyes. Her family believes she is mad, but they are trying to humor her in hopes that she will recover under their loving care.

But Elizabeth prepares for her eventual death. She is cleaning closets, picking clothes to be buried in and changing her will. She will leave her family completely penniless unless they agree to her demands:

· A coffin with air holes drilled where her head will lie

· A buzzer that when pressed will open the coffin lid

· A bell system, attached to the buzzer, that will ring throughout the entire mansion

My friend and I think these are reasonable requests…just like making train sensors standard on every vehicle and enclosing my car in a super- futuristic, indestructible bubble. I am not sure what we can do about those toads.

Go With a Deadbolt!

When I was a freshman in college, I did all the things freshmen do: I hid a map of campus inside my textbooks so I could casually peek inside when I found myself hopelessly lost, I went to every activity that I could possibly fit into my schedule, I always dragged someone to the cafeteria with me because no one could walk in there alone, and I always locked the door to my room. By the end of the first trimester, I knew my way around campus, went only to the activities that really interested me, ate in the cafeteria alone sometimes, and stopped locking my door.

Now that may sound dangerous, but it really wasn’t. My roommate and I lived on the top floor in our four-story dorm. There were only 13 rooms and 25 girls. You never saw anyone on the floor who didn’t belong there. Strangers were always escorted. Not locking the door made sense because we were like family. We could run in and out of each other’s rooms looking for shoes or clothes to borrow. (Once, on campus, I ran into a girl who lived down the hall wearing an entire outfit that was from my closet!). We popped in searching for snacks. We could grab music to listen to or a book to read. But that all changed for me mid-sophomore year.

I am a very sound sleeper. I can sleep with lights on and music on and people talking loudly right in the room. (I also talk in my sleep, but that is another story.) One night, a good friend who was dating a football player was trying to describe me.

“I know you know her. She works in the cafeteria. She is really short and has short blondish hair and blue eyes.

“Um…I’m not sure…”

“Well, she is usually with her roommate, a girl with really big hair.”

“Maybe…”

“She talks to everyone…wait, I’ll bet she’s in…I’ll introduce you.”

Well, I was in…in my pajamas, in a cozy bed, in a dark room, in deep, peaceful slumber. Did that stop Mary? No, it did not. She quietly brought this 250 pound football player from Philadelphia into my room. They peered over my bed with only the light from hallway illuminating my snoring form.

After leaning in, nose-to-nose with my sleeping self, Mary’s boyfriend whispered, “Oh, yeah. Now I know who she is!”

They left and I was none-the-wiser…until I ran into this hulking giant in the cafeteria.

“You looked very cute in your jammies the other day… even your snoring was adorable.”

With a wink he was gone and I was left confused. I found Mary and she explained.

I started locking my door.

The people at Collinswood lock their doors but not consistently. You would think they would. I mean, Julia and Barnabas know there are vampires. Maggie was haunted by the sounds of the howling dogs, and the howling dogs have returned. Vicky has been kidnapped and threatened. People have been attacked by “animals” and killed. And still they go off to their beds without making a quick check of the doors.

So, because of unlocked doors, Dr. Hoffman found Jeff Clark reading through Dr. Lang’s journals. Barnabas was smart enough to lock the doors, but Jeff found an unlocked window and went to the laboratory. Jeff now knows that Barnabas and Julia are going to build a mate for Adam. Tom Jennings, now a vampire because of Angelique, wanders through an unlocked door, surprises Julia in the laboratory and makes her his servant. Barnabas strolls right in to Nicholas’ house though an unlocked door, looking for the new vampire, the one who turned Tom Jennings, having no idea it is Angelique. Before he can stumble onto her, though, he bumps into Joe Haskell, also wandering around the house unattended.  They leave together. Barnabas goes on to find Tom’s coffin, in an unlocked crypt, and destroys him to save Julia. The West wing of the Collins’ mansion, which is supposedly locked and where Adam is hiding, has more visitors than a Holiday Inn.

So learn from my experiences and those of the Collins family: lock your doors. Lock your doors every night against howling dogs, dangerous vampires and nosy neighbors. Otherwise you may awake to dripping fangs or a red-eyed demon or a massive mountain of a football player standing quietly over your bed!

Oh, They are so Crafty!

My husband and daughter are both very crafty. They get a certain look when they come up with a new project and they have come up with a lot of interesting projects. They build things: longboards from scrap plywood, a huge camera obscura in a room in a local art building, models of dinosaurs and insects, a camera that came with the directions in Japanese that they had to take apart and reassemble three times. They made an awesome igloo one very cold winter that our daughter played in for weeks. They create crafts from paper: monsters and beautiful stages and cards for special occasions. They made gingerbread houses that I am certain terrified the local librarian (if you don’t believe me: one had tiny army men attacking raging dinosaurs). They use metal and wood and welding equipment and flame and glue and power tools and nails and screws and all kinds of materials to create…things. They can also paint and sew and knit and draw.

I, however, do none of these things. Oh, it’s not that I can’t. I have made things, and I enjoyed it. But I get bossy. I admit it. I think things have to be done perfectly and that makes me… difficult. So, I am a helper. I watch. I fetch extra supplies. I make treats. I provide all the necessary “oohs’ and “aahhhs”. I wait for the next project.

Willie Loomis is a helper too. He just does what people tell him to do. But I cannot imagine being poor Willie. His crafters are, in a word, crazy. Barnabas and Julia have made an agreement with Adam. If he allows Victoria to go home unharmed (he has kidnapped her and threatened to kill her), then they will create him a partner. Now there’s a project. Making a person. You’d think that they were planning to whip up a pan of brownies the way they talk about it. Of course, Barnabas and Julia are so busy pouring over Dr. Eric’s notebooks (not written in Japanese but still just as confusing), they do not have time to collect the necessary materials…the necessary materials being body parts. What to do? Well, ask old Willie, of course!

Now Willie refuses. He is upset. He is disgusted. He won’t do it. He would rather be sent back to the insane asylum for the rest of his life than dig up bodies in the cemetery. He rages. He shakes. But Barnabas tricks poor Willie. He makes him think that Maggie, Willie’s unrequited true love, will be in terrible danger if he doesn’t cooperate. Poor, simple Willie. For love, he agrees to dig up corpses.

Digging in the cemetery, Willie gets caught by Joe Haskell. You remember Joe? He is Maggie’s fiancé, the man who was attacked by Adam, nearly died, recovered, got bitten by Angelique and now has to do her bidding. That’s where he was headed when he found Willie. Angelique’s pull was stronger than Joe’s sense of civic duty, so Willie got away. He begs Barnabas to let him run away, but that’s never going to happen. Willie, the helper, cowers in terror, waiting for the police to come for him.

Poor Willie.

The worst thing that has ever happened to me when my family was doing a project was a little super glue on the dining room table.

I was so upset.

Next time, I’ll remember Willie and put it all in perspective.

Why Follow the Rules?

 

Following the rules isn’t always easy, but I don’t like to be in trouble. Maybe it’s my Catholic upbringing, but I don’t want anyone to be angry with me. I never have. It makes my stomach hurt and my head pound. It is easier to follow the rules than deal with that sick feeling. So I do what I am supposed to do. When I was younger I ate all my vegetables (except cucumber) and made my bed and listened to my teachers and kept my curfew. As an adult, I drive the speed limit (usually) and keep my cell phone in my purse and pay our bills and our taxes and our daughter’s college tuition on time. Although the backtalk in my head gets pretty loud sometimes, I keep that bossy boots under control. I don’t want to suffer the consequences she brings. Some people just don’t get that.

Cassandra/Angelique is one of them. She was told by Nicholas that she was not to worry about Barnabas and the curse. She was told to forget her revenge and follow Nicholas’ orders. She didn’t do that. She kept trying to find a way to make the curse return. Nicholas told her not to try to kill Adam. The minute she left his sight, she tried killing Adam. First she tried with an axe. Then she tried using a voodoo doll. When Nicholas found out, he told her she would die like a human for her error. He told her not to beg and plead as it bored him. As she began to age and her body quickly returned to its nearly 200 years, she begged. She pleaded. He killed her sooner.

Then, when Nicholas brought Cassandra back as a vampire, he told her she was not to attack anyone without his permission. He alone would choose her victims. When a policeman came to the door and Cassandra answered it, she immediately decided to have a snack, without permission. Nicholas arrived just in time to stop her.

I just don’t understand. I mean, I know she is evil, but she doesn’t even listen to one who is more evil!

And then again, what will he do to her this time? What punishment is there for vampire who was a witch who was a vampire? What can Nicholas do now? Will he turn her into a toad and risk a prince finding her? Maybe trap her in an enchanted mirror?

I think I understand Cassandra now. What could Nicholas possibly do that would be worse than what he has already done? She is not afraid of being in trouble. She is not afraid of Nicholas being mad at her. I don’t think she gets stomach aches.

I do think she is going to have a free-for-all.

Everyone in Collinsport should be very, very worried.

Old Bony Hands

I have been after my husband for years now to get a family portrait. We have taken a lot them ourselves using a tripod and a timer. Some have been very sweet. Some of them are just hysterical. (Example being the one where we are all dressed to the nines and sporting wax handlebar mustaches!) But I always wanted a professional portrait. I envisioned it hanging over the mantle, our smiling faces warmly greeting all who entered the room. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not a fan of getting my picture taken. I dread it. I need to get a new driver’s license right now and the thought of it is overwhelming. Fortunately it snowed today so I could put it off yet again. But a portrait would be different. I could make that poor photographer work for hours until we could all agree that my part of the portrait would not be used to scare off small rodents. Alas, my husband was never keen on the idea. He is incredibly photogenic but doesn’t believe it. So, no portrait.

Fast forward to Christmas this year: under the tree was a Sodastream Home Seltzer Maker (I imagine that a hundred little old men from NYC and I were the only ones excited to see this gift), books, movies, slippers, a calendar with photos of my daughter (my favorite present every year!), and…a large gift…felt like something framed…could it be…?

Yes! My wonderful husband had taken one of our homemade family portraits and had it enlarged. Then he matted and framed it and present it to be hung (not over a mantle, there isn’t one in the new house) in a place of honor in our new library. It was lovely…except whose old lady hands are those?

Seriously, who do those hands belong to? I mean, I am not a tiny woman. When God handed out a taste for chocolate and a predisposition to gain pounds from mere ounces, I got in line twice. Okay. I may have jumped in a third time for good measure. So where did those hands come from? They look bony and bumpy and old. I mean really old.

Now they aren’t as bad as Cassandra’s hands. She is having a real problem. She started a dream curse. Everyone who had the dream would have to tell the dream to the person who was in it. If you didn’t tell, the nightmare would get worse until you either told or it drove you mad. The object was for the nightmare to get to Victoria who would share it with Barnabas who would die and become a vampire again. Ha. Cassandra wins! But she didn’t know that good Dr. Eric had put Barnabas’ essence in Adam, thereby protecting him from her dream curse.

So, Vicky grudgingly tells the dream. Barnabas is not afraid. Nothing will happen to him. Wait. Is someone at the door? Barnabas opens it and gets bitten by a bat (with the worst rubber prop…or maybe it was a shadow of a cutout bouncing up and down in the scene). Anyway, he dies. He is buried. He is dug back up (and if you saw how s-l-o-w-l-y they “rushed” to get him out of the grave, you would hope that neither the good doctor nor the professor ever work for a volunteer fire department).

Barnabas then sneaks away to Cassandra and taunts her that the curse didn’t work. Her “brother”, Nicholas, furious that Cassandra has botched things again, says he will destroy her in one hour if she cannot figure out how Barnabas has outsmarted them. Then, to prove his point, he tells her to look at her hand. When she does, she screams. Her hand is a bony, skeleton hand, complete with her gaudy ring (thank goodness the camera stayed high enough that you couldn’t actually see her holding the prop). Yes, looking down, terrified, she saw a dry, bony skeleton hand that caused her to scream again. Terrified, she couldn’t believe that thing belonged to her.

I know just how she feels.

Unemployed Again…I Can’t Believe I’m Unemployed Again…

So, a while back my family took a long hard look at where we were and where we wanted to be. It led us to put our home on the (terrible) market and look to move five hours away to an area filled with actors and artists and writers. It took 18 months, but someone finally wanted to buy a big old Victorian home lovingly cared for by us for nearly ten years. We were on our way.

But that meant leaving my job as the town’s Children’s Librarian, a job I truly loved.

In between getting a new job and unpacking boxes and decorating a new home, I am going to get started on this Dark Shadows blog. I have the season I received for my birthday and will write about those episodes…just in time to ask Santa for the next season for Christmas.

I am glad to be back…

I Shall Return!

I just celebrated a birthday. I forget which one it is, so don’t even ask.

A few weeks before my husband asked if there was anything special that I wanted.

Nope. Surprise me.

“How about the next installment of Dark Shadows?” he suggested.

“Uh uh. No way. Too expensive. I will wait for some generous library to loan it to me.”

Fast forward to my birthday…klezmer music, candles, children’s books, …and Dark Shadows!

So, I may have said I didn’t want it, but I could not be more excited. A review of 40 more episodes coming your way soon!

Why, Oh Why Is Netflix Letting Me Down?

Yes, for those of you who follow this blog, it has been two months since I have written. Two months! Why? I am ill? lazy? depressed? overworked? on vacation? Nope.

I cannot continue to write about Dark Shadows because I cannot get the DVDs. Netflix has a giant gap in the seasons that are available. It is not because the seasons don’t exist. They do. I found them on Amazon. I am just unwilling to buy four seasons in the middle of a series. I am one of those all or nothing people…and I cannot afford to buy 1199 episodes so I don’t want to own 200.

I work in a library now so I thought I would try to borrow the missing seasons. I found them in one library in my state and requested them. Nope. They ignored my request. Who knew how precious a commodity I was trying to obtain! I went to the woman in charge of interlibrary loan and she went above the state level---that’s right, national. National. I am trying to borrow Dark Shadows from any library in the United Stated willing to lend it to me. So far, no takers. Not one.

I am hoping beyond hope, now that the library has let me down, that the Powers-That-Be at Netflix will take pity on me and purchase the remaining episodes. Please.

Oh Woe is Me…

There is a very good reason that I have not posted here recently. I am waiting for my next Dark Shadows DVD to arrive. I have been waiting for two weeks. I finally thought about checking my Netflix queue to see when it would be sent…and that’s when I discovered the problem. My next disc is on what is affectionately called “a long wait” list. The one after that…and the one after that..and the one after that are on a “short wait list”. If it goes as Netflix has planned, I will receive the discs out of order. Not a real problem. I’ll bump back the short wait ones until I receive the first one. But wait..a bigger problem.

I am currently waiting for Dark Shadows: Collection 8.

As of now, Collections 9, 10, 11, 14 and 15 have unknown dates of release.

Unknown. Dates. Of. Release.

Please don’t tell me they aren’t available. Amazon has them. In stock. One-day shipping.

Please. It has been a very long, very cold, very snowy winter. I have made a comfy home for every germ that the 200 children I see each week at story times saw fit to share with me. I have a regular fever, cabin fever, the boogie woogie flu and perhaps a touch of rocking pneumonia.

My only real comfort right now (no offense to my family, but I am unfit company for you) is jammies and tea and Dark Shadows.

Please. Please release those DVDs. I am not too proud to beg.

Barnabas-stein

I love acting. It started as that bell in first grade and it has only grown deeper as the years go by. Everything about it makes me happy…learning lines, developing a character, finding costumes, rehearsing, opening night, closing night… the whole shebang.

In high school, I went to NYC with a group of students and four teacher chaperones. We saw all the typical sites and did all the touristy things. We also had the chance to go to a number of workshops. Two stood out. At one, we got to do auditions. I did a cold reading and got high compliments. Yep. I am going to live off that one forever.The other was a make-up workshop. Coming from a Catholic high school (read poor) we made do with whatever make-up we could beg, borrow,or steal (ok, not steal because we were a Catholic high school). Seeing real make-up being done was astonishing. One of my friends came away with a realistic nasty scar. Another looked much like he did later at our class reunion because his thick head of hair was made to look bald.

Dark Shadows seems to have had a Catholic school rather than a Broadway budget when it comes to make-up. It is most evident when they do crazy things like the moving decorative moles on the women when they were in 1795. The shapes and designs really look like haphazardly placed stickers found at the local dollar store. Sometimes the glue used to hold the luxurious sideburns on the men extends well below where it needs to be and shines so brightly there is a glare. A description of the eye shadow would take more space than is available here. Together, it is priceless. But now we venture into new territory.

Dr. Lang has promised Barnabas he can remove the curse forever. How? By placing Barnabas’ essence into another body. Ah, a twisted Frankenstein story. We get to enter a rather silly looking lab filled with bizarre scientific equipment. All the sound effects seem to be a fraction off from the actual action. In the center of the room, a large sheet covers the doctor’s experiment. But when he is uncovered, the make-up, oh the make-up! The stitches on Adam (Barnabas’ soon-to-be new body) are wildly overdone. How they will be healed and covered so the town doesn’t run screaming at the sight of him is yet to be seen.

And yet, even with all the silliness that is bound to ensue, I cannot wait to see what happens next. I will admit, I often imagine myself on the set, crazy eye shadow caked on and decorative mole in place.

The Curse of REM

When I was fourteen, I woke up in the middle of the night to incredible pain in my side. I didn’t want to bother anyone, so I tried to go back to sleep. When that didn’t work, I started pacing…doubling over…pacing some more. When I finally woke my mom, she called my aunt, a retired nurse, who proclaimed appendicitis. After a quick ride to the hospital and an even quicker exam, I was rushed into surgery. None of that is too extraordinary, people have appendectomies every day, but here comes the good part. When I woke up from the anesthesia, I couldn’t move. Not a muscle. I tried. I couldn’t move my arms or my legs or turn my head. I thought for sure something must have gone wrong and that I was paralyzed. Scary thought any time…terrifying at fourteen. I laid flat on my back while big tears ran from the corners of my eyes and filled my ears. It was heartbreaking…and then suddenly I could move. Just like that. Relief really can flood a body. I wiggled every part that could wiggle. When the nurse came to check on me, I told her what happened. She said that I had come too quickly out of REM sleep and that was why I couldn’t move.

Really? Frozen in my sleep? Are you kidding me? Nope. Sleep paralysis is a real thing. I didn’t experience the nightmare aspect of it (devils on the chest, demons laughing and chasing) that many people report but it was pretty darn scary nonetheless. I think perhaps Barnabas would understand my fear.

After Vicky returns to Collinwood, Barnabas becomes terribly frightened. What if Victoria, as the memory of her time traveling adventures returns, is able to recall what she knows of Barnabas’ secret? He cannot allow that to happen. He would be ruined. This fear forces him to make Victoria his servant…one small bite and she must do his bidding. His command? Victoria must run away with him. She must marry him and never again return to Collinwood. Creepy for Victoria but necessary for Barnabas. And then they are on their way, but darn that man who stepped out of the woods and into the path of the car---the man from the past who had loved Victoria!

In her surprise, Vicky jerked the wheel and caused herself and Barnabas to be taken to the hospital. Victoria is bruised but fine. But Barnabas, well he has some problems. The doctor who takes his pulse, who listens to his heart, is, shall we say, a bit surprised. Not shocked. Not appalled. Slightly surprised. Instead of running away screaming, which should make us wonder right away about him, Dr. Lang provides Barnabas with a blood transfusion…a transfusion and a shot… and a chance to look at the sun for the first time in decades. The curse is being managed! Dr. Lang then promises Barnabas that he knows a way to rid him of the curse forever. Barnabas is wary but curious. What could Dr. Lang possibly have in mind?

I believe Barnabas’ terror when Dr. Lang opened the curtains on daylight must have been similar to mine as the tears rolled slowly into my ears. His joy at finding the curse could be gone probably was slightly less than mine when my fingers moved. Just my opinion…

Shaking in the Aftermath

I have never been in a true car accident. I have been in a few near misses, always due to someone else's carelessness and incredible skill on the part of the person driving my car. The only time that person was me was about five years ago. My daughter and I were headed home to see my father who was ill. The weather had been less than ideal, but we forged ahead. Just a few miles from our destination, as we crested the top of a rather steep hill, we could see a plow truck speeding our way followed closely by a large, heavy-duty pick-up. Speeding is the key word. We passed them in the valley and their speed caused us to spin in their wake. So there we were…slowly spinning around…once…twice…three times.

It was surreal. My daughter didn’t yell. Neither did I. She just braced herself as I tried to control the car. Feathery touch on the steering wheel. No gas. No brake. The whole ordeal probably took seconds but it felt like hours before we ended up in the wrong lane facing up the hill with our rear tires in a ditch. I took a minute to collect myself. We weren’t hurt, but I didn’t know about the car. It was too dangerous to stay in the car where it was, too dangerous to get out. So, crossing our fingers, I put the car in second and prayed we could climb out of the ditch. We did. Small miracle.

Once we reached my parents, I started to shake. This is what happens to me…I can hold it together in a crisis or an emergency, but afterwards, there is always uncontrollable shaking. Always.

I thought that’s what should’ve happened on Dark Shadows. I waited for Victoria to start shaking. I mean, there she was, standing on the gallows with a rope around her neck. No hope for rescue. No chance to prove she was really from the future and innocent of the crime of which she was accused. No way to reach her new love. Then, as the trapdoor opened and the rope tightened, Victoria suddenly found herself back in the Collin’s drawing room. The past disappeared and the present returned.  She was frightened and confused and shocked (and, I have to imagine, slightly annoyed) that those she returned to had not missed even a single moment of time in all the months she was gone. That would have been a fine time to start shaking.

Imagine…she had traveled back in time…been accused of being a witch…figured out that Barnabas a was vampire…mourned the loss of her first love…fell in love again…been tired and hungry, chased, mistreated, hidden, found, jailed, and hanged…and the rest of those who had been at the séance hadn’t blinked. Not once.

I would have shaken…if not from a reaction to incredible stress, then from blind fury.

A Brief Hiatus

My daughter has been home for the holidays, so my viewing of Dark Shadows has been put on hold. I shall resume very soon as she is returning to school.

Happy New Year!

And So It Goes…

I have been lax about updating this blog. It is not that I haven’t been watching the episodes. It’s just that I found I had no energy at the end of the day to write about them. After fighting valiantly for two weeks, I crawled into the doctor’s examination room and was rewarded with the diagnosis of a nasty sinus infection. No wonder Thanksgiving dinner had tasted like paper. I was bone weary. Walking to the kitchen to make tea was like running a marathon. Dressing became an Olympic event. If resting had been one, I would have taken the gold. Today is the last day for my antibiotic (which, much to my surprise and delight, is also used to prevent malaria), and I am feeling better if not completely myself.

Josette knows what it is like to not feel like herself. Waiting to meet Barnabas at Widows’ Hill, Angelique appears and shows Josette what she would become should she stay with Barnabas. The hideous image is more than Josette can bear and she flings herself from the cliff. Poor Barnabas is inconsolable.

Victoria does not feel like herself, trapped as she is in 1795 and on trial for being a witch. Abigail Collins, who insisted Victoria was a witch, finds herself face-to-face with Barnabas. Knowing she cannot be trusted, Barnabas is forced to kill her. This does nothing to help Victoria as Abigail’s cohort, the horrible Reverend Trask, convinces the court that Victoria must hang. He is then tormented by a vengeful Barnabas…unnerving laughter, a giant hand with the trademark ring, and a promise of death. Barnabas finally lures the reverend to the old house, reveals what he has become, and seals Trask alive inside the basement wall.

Millicent is not at all herself. She was romanced by Lieutenant Nathan Forbes, a shady character looking for money, only to discover the man was already married. Nearly driven mad, Millicent plans his demise. When her efforts fail, she retreats to the security of family. But Forbes’ wife is soon killed by Barnabas. Free to pursue her again, Forbes is certain he can win Millicent’s hand. Certain because he has learned that Barnabas is alive. He is sure that Barnabas is insane and guilty of several murders. He uses this information to blackmail Joshua and force him into letting the nuptials take place. Shortly afterwards, Millicent sees the light from the tower. Forbes, knowing who must be there, forces her to go looking for the source. She investigates, discovers Barnabas, and is driven truly mad.

Joshua isn’t his usually calm self. He has discovered that his son is cursed, a vampire, a dead soul trapped  in the world of the living. He hides Barnabas in the tower as he searches for a way to release him from Angelique’s spell. Engaging Natalie duPres, he hopes to conjure someone to help Barnabas. Such a woman appears and works feverishly to free Barnabas, but Angelique is too strong. As the old woman prepares to leave, she bursts into flame. Her pitiful screams mix with Angelique’s demonic laughter.

I am certain the characters wish they had a small brown prescription bottle promising better days in a mere 240 hours.

Shutters, Blinds, Heavy Curtains: My New Christmas Wish List

I am not fond of windows at nighttime…

When I was a very little girl, I stumbled into the bathroom late one night during a storm. When a bright flash of lightning illuminated the window, I let out a blood-curdling scream. My parents came running, only to find me shaking uncontrollably and babbling about a man’s face in the window. My dad ran outside but no one was there. Certain I had been dreaming, they tucked me back into bed. It took a while, but I finally settled. Maybe I had been dreaming.

The next day, my dad found that the jack-o-lantern flowers under the window had been crushed by heavy footprints.

Flash forward to the summer when I was 17. My parents were out for the evening, my best friend was at my house, my brother was out with friends, and Salem’s Lot was on television. As mentioned before, I love scary movies. Not gory. Scary. And Salem’s Lot (the original not the remake) is a good scary movie. It ranks up there with Carrie and The Shining and Psycho.

So Kathie and I made a huge bowl of popcorn, turned out all the lights, and prepared to be terrified, sitting in the blue glow from the set. At one of the scariest points in the movie, when a young boy is using his long nails to scratch at his brother’s bedroom window (from outside mind you), my brother and his friend thought it would be funny to scratch at the French doors in the living room (from outside). I turned when I heard the sound, saw faces in the windows, screamed, and started to hyperventilate. The boys were laughing uncontrollably until they saw I wasn’t able to catch my breath. They came running in, yelling and apologizing, while Kathie was trying to help me settle. It took forever to calm down enough, to get enough energy, to chase after those two idiots while throwing heinous threats about what I would do when I caught them.

Nope. I do not like windows at nighttime…

Sarah, Josette, Natalie, Melanie…they all understand how I feel. Barnabas, unable to let go of Josette, keeps appearing outside the windows at Collinwood. A quick glimpse of a pale man in the moonlight frightens each of these women. No one really believes they are seeing anything. Overactive imaginations. Stress. Exhaustion. I think if the men would have just looked, they would have seen trampled flowers below the windows.

But Josette not only sees Barnabas, she hears him. After following the vague remembrances of a dream, Josette searches for him near the graveyard. Upon finding him, Barnabas tries to send her away, but Josette begs him to let her stay. Barnabas finally leaves her, knowing it is best for Josette. The next night, though, Barnabas returns to say a last good-bye. Josette clings to him…and Barnabas, true to his new nature, bites her. Josette promises to meet him the next evening at the old house so that they can be together forever.

We are already privy to the Collins’ family history, so we know this doesn’t end well for Josette. She runs off Widows’ Hill and Barnabas mourns her loss for eternity.

My suggestion? Keep the curtains closed at night…and invest in noise cancelling headphones.

My Vampire Diary

When I was 17, I had the opportunity to play Mina Murray in our high school production of “Dracula”.  I loved being onstage. I always played such sweet, funny, eccentric characters. Oh, Mina was sweet to start but then she gets bitten by Dracula and she changes. She becomes seductive. Tough for me to pull off now let alone at 17. That aside, Mina became a vampire so Mina needed fangs. No funny little plastic ones for me. I got to go to the dentist and have them made. It was awesome. Well, getting them made was gross but the fangs themselves were so cool. Are cool. I still have them.

There were a couple of problems with the show, though. My sexy, black, loose-fitting vampire dress was tied in knots over both shoulders and had a tendency to slip a bit. One night, when Mina “fainted”, both sides slipped. I was to be lifted to a standing position by the leading men…which meant, unless they helped me, that dress was going to slide right to my waist..in front of all the people in my Catholic high school auditorium. I was panicked. The leading man, who happened to be my best guy friend since elementary school, was in his glory. While other lines were being said, I was frantically whispering that he had to help me. Being a boy, hence evil, he just kept grinning at me as he rubbed my wrists and patted my flaming cheeks. My heart was pounding and I had quickly moved from begging him to threatening him. His response? “Be nice to me or I let the dress fall.” I am still here and not hidden in a closet of shame so you must have guessed that he came through for me at the last minute…and never let me forget that I owed him!

The other problem I had was an extremely ticklish neck. Each time Dracula draped me over his arm, swirled his cape around me, and bit my neck, I would giggle. It’s hard to create a dark, mysterious mood when the leading lady is giggling as “blood” runs down her neck. One night, the director had enough. When the giggles started, he walked on stage and slapped my face. Not hard. Just enough to get my attention. He told me to think about that when I was getting my neck bit…and I didn’t laugh again, as you might imagine.

I thought about all this backstage drama as I watched Barnabas come to the realization that his eternal life, the curse put on him by Angelique, came with the added disadvantage of being a vampire. When Barnabas awakens for the first time and discovers he is in the mausoleum with Angelique poised to kill him with a wooden stake, he does what any vampire would do. He strangles her. Not what I expected, but I went with it. I wondered if Angelique giggled during rehearsals, but then he wasn’t biting her neck. I wonder now about the others who actually get bitten later.

If they had a problem, I hope the director tried talking them through it first.

Not true. What I really hope is that they slugged him back. Think about that…

“Chilllleeeerrrr”

When I was a little girl, my grandfather moved into the apartment upstairs. I couldn’t have been happier. He spoiled me rotten: buying me M and Ms and chocolate-marshmallow ice cream, playing hide-and-go-seek and pretending he didn’t know where I was even though all the dishes from the cupboard were neatly stacked on the floor, letting me crawl up on the back of his big comfy chair and brush his hair (what little there was) while we watched television together.

Grandpa also worked nights which meant that my Mom and I cleaned his apartment on Saturday evenings. I loved it. Oh, not so much the dusting and vacuuming but when we finished, we watched Chiller Theater together. That hand coming out of the ground. Shiver. It looks campy now, but I remember it being spooky and scary. I had to cover my eyes a lot of the time.

I am still a fan of scary movies. Not gory, slasher movies, but truly mess-with-your-mind-scary movies. Psycho really frightens me even though I what’s going to happen when she gets in that shower. I like Pet Cemetery but I am especially careful around my cat after watching it…and I make sure she is asleep when I do watch it, just in case she is as smart as I think she is. I adore The Shining, but always feel a wee bit unsettled after seeing it as I am married to a writer. Night of the Hunter? That movie causes me to lose sleep each and every time I watch it. And the last time I watched it was late at night and I was all alone. Almost as dumb as Janet Leigh…almost.

The last ten episodes of Dark Shadows has a lot of spooky moments. Conniving Angelique decides that she will nurse Barnabas’ ego now that Josette has married Jeremiah. But Barnabas has way too much testosterone to settle for that, so he challenges Jeremiah to a duel. Barnabas wins and Jeremiah is mortally wounded. The family thinks all the strange happenings are being caused by a witch and are determined to find out who it is. They send for a preacher…from Salem. Dum, dum, dum.

The preacher ties Victoria to a tree as a test. If the tree dies overnight, it proves she is a witch. Barnabas finds Victoria and rescues her. Angelique follows them and causes the tree to die. Now the family firmly believes Victoria is the cause of everything: Josette marrying Jeremiah, the strange markings of the devil on Josette and Jeremiah, Joshua being turned into a cat (thankfully, he has no recollection of that event), Barnabas’ strange illness…and they vow to destroy her.

Still not satisfied, Angelique continues her tirade. She secretly makes Sarah violently ill and then promises to heal her with a special tea if Barnabas will marry her afterwards. Barnabas promises. Sarah is healed. Barnabas reneges because he still loves Josette. Oh, when will he learn!

So, Angelique beckons Josette in a dream to find her true love, Jeremiah. She convinces her that Jeremiah isn’t really dead. And when Josette gets to the cemetery and whispers Jeremiah’s name, his hand reaches up through the ground!

Holy smokes! Just like Chiller Theatre!

And, yes, I did have to cover my eyes!

Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble

I like witches. I don’t know any personally, at least none who have come out about it, but I like the literary ones…

Hermione Granger (cool name, smart girl, sweet red-headed boyfriend named Ron); Samantha Stevens (if only I could wrinkle my nose like that, laundry would be a piece of cake); Gillian Holroyd ( who wouldn’t want to bewitch Jimmy Stewart: see October 6th post); The Grand High Witch (Roald Dahl knows how to scare the bejeepers out of a kid with a character like this one); The Charmed Ones (good teamwork but, when I think about it, they really thrive on way more drama than I am comfortable with); Willow Rosenberg (really, really smart, funny, thought about ending the world with her dark powers and who hasn’t wanted to do that?); Glinda (sure she makes my teeth ache with all her sugar, but I wouldn’t mind travelling in a giant bubble and the whole wand thing intrigues me); and Elpheba (the coolest of all witches with her selflessness even in the face of being completely ostracized- and I appreciate a pretty shade of green)

Angelique, however, is not so likeable.

Okay. Barnabas should not have led her on. We all know that. But it happened. He apologized. Get over it. But no. Angelique sets out to show Barnabas that he really needs and loves her, and if it means destroying everyone else just to make her point, she seems to be okay with that.

Make Ben your slave? Sure. Cause Josette to fall in love with another man? Why not? Make Jeremiah betray Barnabas and run off with Josette? Sounds reasonable. Shame Josette’s family? Okay, I’ll admit to condoning that…they are pretentious.

Deception. Destruction. Making up outlandish stories just to get what you want. It’s all in a day’s work for Angelique…and Christine O’Donnell, but that’s another post completely.

Oh, How Time Flies!

I have often wondered what it would be like to live in another time…

I like the 1920s clothing and the dances and the music…but I also like a lovely glass of wine now and then…

I enjoy big band music and think dancing in a grand ballroom to Glenn Miller would have been divine. Of course, there was that whole depression aspect that might not have been so fun…

I love the 1950s. I adore the clothes and the music. How fun to have a poodle skirt and dance to Elvis! Then again there is the whole “a-woman’s- place-is-in-the-home” mentality that I might not have stomached very well…

So I guess I will stay where I am…which is what I am certain Vicky Winters is thinking…

In the middle of a séance, while Carolyn is faking that she is the long-dead Sarah and Barnabas is quivering with fear that the real Sarah might vindictively reveal his secret, Vicky is suddenly possessed. She begins to tattle on Carolyn, saying that she is not telling the truth. Suddenly, the lights go out and a scream rends the night. When Barnabas finds the light, we discover that Vicky is no longer in the room. Another woman, dressed in strange clothing has taken her place. And what of Vicky?

She discovers herself in the old house, which is actually the only house…in 1795!

This is an interesting story arc. We are finally going to learn what caused Barnabas to be turned into a vampire. It seems he has angered a young woman, the maid of his fiancée, by trifling with her affections. The angry girl vows she will teach him a lesson and almost kills him. She changes her mind at the last minute and we are left to wonder what she will do next. Poor Vicky, in the meantime, must figure out a way to explain her appearance, her clothing, and her odd behavior. The Collins’ family somewhat reluctantly agrees to keep her on as Sarah’s nanny.

1795…cumbersome clothes, no rights for women, no indoor plumbing, no chocolate peanut butter pie…I think I will stay right here and simply enjoy the music and clothes of another time.

I am sure I can bring back pillbox hats, crinolines, and long gloves. I’ll think about how while I enjoy a small glass of wine and some chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. Ah, the joy of 2010…