Thursday, September 23, 2010

Have We Learned Nothing?

Okay, people. We all need to stop and think for a minute…does righteous indignation have any place in our repertoire when dealing with monsters?

Let’s think about what we know from horror movies. Opening the door to the basement and climbing down the stairs in the dark without a flashlight looking for the beast that just ripped apart your three best friends? Stupid move. Not taking the kids and running out of the house and to the nearest neighbor when, as the babysitter, you get a number of really scary phone calls? Stupid move. Getting in the shower at the most frightening hotel run by the creepiest manager ever to turn on a vacancy sign (she had to get that creepy vibe, right?)? Stupid move. Threatening to expose the Phoenix and then driving off to do just that, knowing full well that she enjoys reeking havoc from a distance? I’ll say it again. Stupid.

But here is the clincher. You brave the cemetery to find a hidden coffin, meet and talk to a ghost, promise a young boy you know he has been telling the truth and will expose what has been terrorizing him (making him swear not to tell anyone what you are doing), break into an old friend’s room to find proof that she has been helping a monster, steal said proof and read it from cover to cover…and then…when she approaches you in your office…instead of playing it cool and getting away to the sheriff…oh, no. You start taunting her. telling her she is evil and so is the monster she has been protecting. Saying how you are reporting it all to the police. And when she says that you must keep the secret or be killed, you don’t believe her. Stupid move. Moronic. Way high on the idiot scale.

I would lie. Nope. Didn’t take your diary. Never saw it. Just heading out for coffee (ice cream? new sneakers? beef roast?). You have a good night.

Or, knowing the monster is a vampire, maybe I could just keep quiet until, oh, I don’t know…daylight? You know, when he is napping in his coffin, vulnerable. Find him. Do the whole stake thing. Then get cocky.

Maybe I know better than these people because I live with a couple of the artistic types. They are interesting, delightful, and talented people but they can be a tiny bit moody on occasion. I have learned, after a few admitted missteps, not to poke the bear with a sharpened stick. Perhaps I could be a consultant to those less enlightened.

I fear the good doctor will not be around long enough to write a check for my advice.

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